The November Waltzing Party

On the way to my bus stop and as night fell on Edinburgh, a young man asked me what my goal was with the Waltzing Parties. 

"I wish to restore Western Civilization," I announced, which probably sounded rather grandiose in a short middle-aged woman who lives in a two-bedroom flat. 

However, there are so many things about traditional dances that encapsulate so much of what was (and is) good about social life in the West and contradict the new ideology tearing Western societies apart. 

The first and most obvious to me is the careful balance between inclusion and exclusion. Because the Waltzing Parties are by necessity private (and definitely not sponsored by any priestly fraternity, the archdiocese, or anyone but me), there is a hostess who invites some people and excludes most people. 

As these are private parties, I am free to invite people solely because of their religious beliefs and good reputation in the community. This ensures that my guests will spend two or more hours in close physical proximity only with people who share their values and who can be trusted not to go beyond the line of what believing Catholics consider decent. This is particularly important when parents entrust me with the care of their underage children. My parties are, to use the language of the world, a "safe space."  

At the same time, I am eager to be introduced to other people within our religious affiliation who might enjoy my parties. (For reasons that will be come clear, I just wish I were introduced to more young ladies.)    

The second is that traditional dances encourage relationships between men and women that are friendly, respectful, and self-sacrificing. To the man falls the challenge of asking a woman to dance. To the woman falls the difficult task of following. The gentleman must lead his lady about a room without stepping on her; the lady must smile and forgive her gentleman when he does. Staggeringly, men are expected to dance with all the ladies, not just the prettiest ones, and women are expected to dance with all the gentlemen who ask, not just the ones they could sort of imagine marrying one day.* 

In a way it is odd that traditional European culture (and indeed religion), which is very strict about chastity and monogamy, is adamant that a kind man dances with as many ladies as possible at a dance--and that the ladies turn down invitations to dance but rarely. Of course, for centuries European dances involved only hand-holding, and there was a hue and cry when the wicked Austrian waltz was first introduced to Britain. However, I would argue that the waltz, with its forced closeness, gets young men and women used to face-to-face social communication with different men and women without any ulterior (or romantic) motive. 

Frankly, I think it builds friendship, and I'll tell you why: my dance parties always have a break in the middle for tea and conversation, and I used to worry during the tea-breaks that So-and-So wasn't talking to anyone and Such-and-Such looked a bit forlorn. To guess from the noise during the After-Mass Tea, and before the Waltzing Party, and during the Waltzing Party Tea-Break, I don't have to worry about this anymore. (If I should, though, please do let me know.)

The third is the reenforcement gentle reminder of traditional social roles. Yesterday's Waltzing Party was divided into three: Waltzing, Intermission, Swing-dancing. As a wild experiment, I had engaged professional swing-dancing teachers, and I was not at all surprised that instead of speaking of "men" and "women," they gave instructions to "leads" and "followers." My heart swelled with pride when all 14 of the men went over to the lead side, and all 7 women formed the followers' row. In fact, there was even a friendly chortle when one of the young women went in the wrong direction and then hurriedly joined the ladies' followers' side. 

This is important when you believe that a husband is the head of his family, and yet the whole outside world is telling you that such a belief is next-door to Nazism. This is not really the place to get into it, but  it is a difficult challenge for contemporary young women to wait for men to take the lead. It may even be  harder than the challenge for contemporary young men to take that lead. Traditional partner dancing is training for this challenge, a challenge that can be excruciatingly painful and yet those of us who believe in the traditional Christian family must all rise to it. 

(Incidentally, I believe there would be no priest shortage if girls and women stayed out of the sanctuary and allowed men and boys to do what [some of the] girls and women might possibly do better.) 

 

The fourth is the importance of making introductions, so that everyone who is indeed invited into a community feels welcome, and so that the community itself is soon at ease with the (vetted) stranger in its midst. At a traditional dance at which ladies and gentlemen are not ordered by instructors constantly to change partners, it is the host's or hostess's duty to introduce a gentleman to a lady who doesn't know him before he asks her to dance.  (Curiously, in the 1890s, you were not expected to keep up a ballroom acquaintance afterwards if you didn't wish to.) Naturally anyone who hopes a host or hostess to invite his new friend to one of their famous parties absolutely must introduce him to the host or hostess beforehand. (It goes without saying that any such new friend would be someone he would introduce to his mother and sisters.) 

The fifth is respectful and elegant dress. After the party was over, and I was busily washing cups, the dancing instructors told me that they had never taught such a well-dressed group. I am so used to this that I had barely noticed, but I think all the young men were wearing jackets, and many of them were wearing actual suits. The young ladies were wearing skirts or pretty dresses; the youngest had on a particularly beautiful blouse. The vast majority of my guests were university students, lecturers, and recent graduates. I doubt any of us are wealthy; the fact is that lovely secondhand clothing can be had for a song, and it takes only a minute to polish your shoes. In fact, I polished my three-year-old ones in the kitchen before I left for Mass while I was actually wearing them. 

A sixth is the vanished tradition of the parish hall dance. My questioner may be forgiven if he thought my ultimate goal might be to encourage marriages among the unmarried. As a matter of history, a goodly number of Catholic grandparents and great-grandparents in Canada, the USA, and (at very least) Glasgow did marry people they met at parish dances. Those, were, however, very pro-marriage times. 

Although I can scheme about restoring Western Civilization, I am shy about encouraging people I actually know to sacrifice their lives to one other, shooting off like fireworks into the hard discipline of marriage and parenthood. I can give parties, find teachers, bake cookies, make introductions, give private advice, and promote a certain social code. Anything having to do with making marriages, I leave up to the glorious and beautiful young themselves (but do hope they will buy life insurance when it happens).

UPDATE: I had a question about someone coming to Mass being sufficient evidence that a person is well-intentioned. The answer, sadly, is no. In both Canada and the United States, I have encountered  ill-intentioned people at or after Mass. Their motives for going to Mass were not devotional. I would rather go to jail than introduce them to a young person.  

*Unless they have a super-good reason. If that reason is that the man is not a gentleman but a creep, the hostess should be told. It is not a sin to tell someone responsible for a group about bad behaviour harming a member of the group. In fact, it is a painful duty, particularly when the group includes the young and vulnerable.